Worth It by Hunter Harris

When Ola fell for Lia, he wasn’t where he thought he’d be. She saw where they could go.

“‘When you know, you know’ — except sometimes, you don’t. Ola and Lia’s love story is one of not knowing for sure, but knowing enough. Of your head slowly catching up to the place your heart has been all along, and finding a home in the warmth of another’s love when you least expect it. (I know because it happened to me — and like them, I got my happy ending.)” — Ochuko Akpovbovbo, founder of As Seen On

When Ola showed up at the front door of Lia’s apartment in London, she immediately thought that he was dressed a little too casually. It was an unorthodox first date, him coming over a day after they matched on Hinge, but it was still a first date, after all. I have my work cut out for me, Lia thought to herself. 

But when she invited him over, Lia had told him to “come as you are.” Ola was tall and gregarious; he’d told her that he played on an intramural football team. Maybe those football-cuffed jogging bottoms and trainers were what he’d worn the whole day? 

Lia’s hair was usually in long box braids, but she hadn’t gotten it done in a while. That day, uncharacteristically, she threw on a wig. I want to look casual, but not too casual, cuz I’m at home — what’s the outfit for that? Lia hadn’t been in the apartment for more than a month, but she tidied up quickly to host that night.

A cosign from a mutual friend was enough to get her past the ick of seeing that one video of Ola dancing on social media. This was going to be her last attempt at dating — Lia decided that well before they matched. Men in London are unserious! Remember the man who surprised her with the reveal that his ex was pregnant with his child … absolutely not! Lia was feeling a little bit eager and a little bit whatevs when she told Ola to come over to her place and that she’d cook for him.

Lia’s building was nice. There were cute local shops outside, and a concierge downstairs. Ola felt like that Quinta Brunson meme: She got money! Was it OK that he didn’t? 

When they video chatted the night before, he wanted to be upfront about having been laid off recently, and he was still looking for work. Ola wasn’t certain he’d measure up. He only realized after they hung up that he had accidentally talked at Lia for an hour. He knows he’s a bit of a yapper. But he wanted her to know that he was ambitious and driven, that he wasn’t out of a job for lack of trying. 

Ola approached Lia’s apartment door. He’d taken a break from dating as he grieved his mother, who died in 2017. When he was ready to start looking for “the one” again, he had trouble finding his footing. His openness was perceived as being too eager. Before he responded to Lia on Hinge, he was going to give dating one last chance. Ola didn’t have a “type,” but Lia’s profile made her seem so striking: Black, beautiful, inquisitive, confident.

Ola was in her apartment and a plantain was on the stove. Lia had big-upped her cooking when they were on the phone, but she actually didn’t love cooking for other people. She was nervous, and she could see that Ola was nervous, which made her more nervous.

Ola was talking at her again, like he had when they video chatted. It didn’t bother her at all. Usually, she was the one oversharing as someone else played it cool. The man in her kitchen was so open: his mother died a few years ago, and the way he talked about missing her was so vulnerable. OK, so he wasn’t making six figures, and didn’t have a job, and he couldn’t drive — split-the-check TikTok would have a field day here. But it didn’t matter to Lia. She still wanted to give him a chance! She was so at ease getting to know Ola that the plantain started to char on the stove.

Ola could hear himself talking again, going off on tangents as he’s wont to do. But Lia was such a patient listener. He could tell that she was embarrassed about the burnt plantain, but he was happy to eat her food. He looked down at his joggers. He’d picked them because he wanted to show Lia the real him. He felt totally seen by her ... and the food wasn’t so burnt. They sat on Lia’s uncomfortable sofa, and she turned on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine.” Ola looked at her and said he didn’t want to see anyone else, that he only wanted to get to know her. She nodded and said the same. They deleted Hinge then and there.

When Ola left, Lia felt such a buzz of energy. She wanted to call someone — not an “I just met the one!” call but a “So there’s this guy that I think is very fun ...” call. Her grandparents were the first to pick up the phone. She told them about the Nigerian man she was interested in. Her grandfather said he spoke a bit of Yoruba … Lia took it as a good sign. 

Not long after that date, Lia accompanied Ola to his friend’s flat for a party. It was there that they made their relationship official. In the car home, Lia felt giddy. They were side by side in her bathroom, each brushing their teeth, when she said she loved him. He said it back that night, but the next morning it felt even more real, not just a post-party buzz. Ola told her he loved her, so casually, so naturally, before he laced up his trainers and headed out for a run in the park.

Ola said he was driven, and Lia believed him. A personality quiz at her job said she was a “developer,” that she was uniquely skilled at helping realize potential. She reviewed his resume and helped him practice interviewing. After months applying for jobs, Ola’s confidence was gone. She revved him up with renewed energy. He said he’s ambitious, so I’m going to hold him to that, she thought. If he could just get to an interview, Lia knew he was so talented that he could have any job he wanted.

Ola didn’t mind the extra set of eyes. He could get advice from his friends, but he’d never found himself in a partnership quite like this one. Lia had grown up upper-middle class, and gone to private school. She was only working part-time, but she was very ambitious! Her grandfather was a diplomat and her parents owned property. Ola appreciated how willing she was to get into the trenches with him. He’d felt a little insecure about his ADHD — it made keeping track of where he’d applied and when he was set to interview more difficult. That stuff was easy for Lia, and she was happy to help out. Ola had been a little down on himself while looking for work, his usual joviality could run cold in the face of all that uncertainty. Lia lightened every mood.

Was it because Lia and her sisters had been the only Black girls in their mostly-white secondary school, or was it because she barely knew how to two-step that she always felt self-conscious? Like she’d always be perceived as somewhat serious? Ola’s friends were dynamic and interesting, and he had so much personality on the dance floor. Even when she was feeling shy, one of the things she loved about Ola was how he always brought her in — into the joke, into the conversation, into his level-headed certainty.

When he finally landed a job, months into their relationship, they went on a proper date. Lia wore a leopard-print dress and treated him to their dinner at a tapas restaurant. Ola felt weird, like he was coming off too reserved. The intensity of the last few months of his life had given him whiplash: single, dating, job searching, employed, suddenly in a very serious relationship. He needed to come up for air. He was yapping again, trying to introduce the idea gently … should they take a bit of a step back? This is already the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, he thought to himself.

You’ve wasted my time, Lia thought. She was irate. Had she really buoyed his confidence all those months only for him to get a job and decide he wanted something different? On some level, perhaps, Lia could only see her investment and what she’d given up to choose Ola’s love. If you want to go on a break, that’s a breakup, and we’re done, she thought. Or we’ll try and work through what the issues are. She knew she had a tendency to come in hot-headed and guns blazing, but she was furious.

Lia had imagined a romance with someone more established, more mature. Her last relationship had been with a white English guy, who checked some of those boxes. And yet, even after four years together, Lia had never felt totally relaxed around his family. He still didn’t get that she’d wash bundles in the sink or how much she loved her lotions.

Ola was the center of attention in every room, he was so good at drawing people near him. He wasn’t great at budgeting but set aside money from his paycheck to send home to his dad, whom Lia adored. Ola regularly took three trains to come over to her apartment. Of course he loved her. She saw past Ola’s imperfect delivery — he was scared. They both wanted to be together forever. He thought a brief pause — just to regain perspective! — could get them there.

I knew that I didn’t know how to explain it, Ola thought. He didn’t want to break up. He regretted bringing it up at all. He loved Lia, and their relationship. But he didn’t want money to hold them back. It bothered him that they couldn’t afford a vacation, or a fancy dinner, or a big party for Lia’s birthday. There was still a voice in his head saying that he wasn’t where he should be, and he wanted the best for Lia and to be the best for Lia.

But where should his life be? Money wasn’t what gave Ola’s life purpose. He grew up in government housing and had only just gotten a job again after a period of unemployment. I have a lot of love to give to people because of my mother, because of the way she loved others, he thought. He loves community and family — what his mother loved, too. He couldn’t give Lia fancy gifts but he could give her his time and his attention.

Lia saw it Ola’s way: what actually mattered to her was spending time with the people she loved. That meant having Ola come over to her flat, curling up together on that uncomfortable sofa, watching TV, and trying not to burn their dinner. Navigating Ola’s job search made her get even closer to him. Their fight about what constitutes a “break” and what constitutes a “breakup” helped her communicate in ways she never had before. With Ola, she could be open.

Now, on Wednesday nights, Lia works late on a side hustle. Ola is almost ready for bed when she gets home, but he still meets her at the bus stop to escort her for the three-minute walk from the bus to their front door. He’s still wearing joggers, sometimes even slippers. Five years into their relationship, Lia doesn’t mind at all.

Hunter Harris is a writer based in Brooklyn. Her writing has appeared in New York Magazine, The New York Times, GQ, and other publications. She crashed a party with Usher and shadowed the cast of HBO’s “Succession.” She writes Hung Up, a newsletter about movies and TV with over 175,000 readers, and co-hosts the Wondery podcast “Lemme Say This.” Previously, she was a staff writer at New York Magazine and wrote on HBO’s “Gossip Girl.”